About two weeks ago I registered with an online dating site because I am bored as hell in Baton Rouge. (I live in Baton Rouge half the year for family reasons, and the other half of the year I live in Atlanta where I rarely get bored as hell. However, in neither city do I have a boyfriend, so I guess I can’t blame my singleness on my city.)
Anyway, I’ve had about 30 men email me and it’s been elucidating. What I’ve discovered is that MEN ARE MORONS. Big shocker, huh, ladies?
Here are my top tips for men who are looking for love online. To clarify, these are things you DO NOT want to do.
THE CONVERSATION KILLER
-When corresponding with a woman, don’t refer to other women on the site as “fat” or “ugly.” It shows that you’re a callous idiot who doesn’t own a mirror.
YOUR LAZINESS IS SHOWING
– Sending an email that just says. “Hi” or “How’s it going” = DELETE.
THE TRANSPARENT LIE
– Don’t write a message that starts off “Hello Beautiful” when the woman hasn’t had time to even load a photo yet. If you have to use insincere platitudes, at least be original.
AND THIS NEEDS NO EXPLANATION
– “Contact me if you’re bored and want to fuck” = DELETE. That only works if you’re also looking for STDs.